6 things children worry about the most—parents don’t realize it

Being a parent has become an increasingly harder job, especially as anxiety levels keep rising, even among the youngest kids.

As child and family therapists, over the years, we’ve worked with thousands of parents and children struggling with anxiety and stress. We get emails and calls from parents looking for guidance nearly every day.

When a child experiences worry that won’t go away, parents feel overwhelmed and lost. They desperately want to make it better but don’t know how. The first step is to understand what those worries are.

Here are the top six things kids worry about the most that many parents don’t even realize:

As kids grow up and begin figuring out who they are, they start to care about what their friends think. They want to fit in and feel liked.

When children are different from their peers, whether due to their appearance, interests, cultural background, race or any other aspect of their identity, they may worry or become the target of bullying or teasing.

Adding social media to the mix amplifies kids’ worries about social dynamics and negatively impacts their self-worth. Children will compare their lives to highlight reels of friends and complete strangers.

When kids use social media without any supervision, it ramps up their anxiety. They see other people’s lives online and might start feeling bad about their own, which makes them worry a lot more.

Moving to a new house or a new school can be both exciting and scary for kids. Even if the change is supposed to be a good thing, they might feel like they’re losing something before they can see the benefits.

For example, before they can enjoy having a new sibling, they might feel sad about no longer being the only child. And some changes are just plain tough, with little upside — like a parent moving out or a friend changing schools.

In families where academics and extracurriculars take priority from morning to night, there’s little room for relaxation. And when children don’t have unstructured time to recharge, they are at risk of developing chronic stress.

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Be sure to give your kids plenty of free playtime. It’s how they learn, process emotions and make sense of what’s happening around them.

Things don’t need to be the same all the time, but last-minute changes in their daily schedule will make kids nervous. Having a caregiver who is often late or says they will be there and then doesn’t show up may cause anxiety in a child, too.

In the same way, when a child receives conflicting signals from each of their grown-ups, or when rules and expectations change from day to day, children experience a sense of discomfort.

Trauma can leave a child feeling devastated, scared or hurt, and it’s tough for them to calm down because it triggers their body’s stress response. This makes them super alert and unable to relax, constantly worried about their safety.

Even small incidents can shake a child’s sense of safety. A dog bite, a car accident or seeing someone get hurt can deeply affect them. Later, they might see something that reminds them of the event and feel scared all over again.

There are many practical coping strategies for your child to manage intense emotions. The key is to teach ahead by introducing these skills during calm moments — well before stressful situations arise.

1. Naming emotions

Teach your kids to manage emotions by naming what they feel. Explain that worry likes to hide in the dark and fester, and that sharing it out loud with you or a trusted friend or sibling will help them feel better.

It even works when they say it in their heads: “I am so anxious about what my teacher thinks of me.”

2. Take a breath

Get into the habit of taking three deep breaths with your child before bed.

Have them put a hand on their tummy and feel the breath fill it up “like a belly balloon.” Trace their hand with each breath: up a finger, breathe in, and down a finger, breathe out, and repeat.

3. Teach affirming phrases

Lend your pearls of wisdom for tough moments. Encourage your child to say it to themselves: “Things are easier the second time around,” or “I can do it,” during moments of worry or before a big event.

Teach them to recite: “It only feels this way for now, but I know even the worst feelings will pass,” or “Just because I’m imagining something bad, it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.”

4. Schedule a ‘worry window’

If your kid has free-floating anxiety or feels overpowered by emotions that pop up only to derail them, try scheduling a 15-minute window later in the day for them to worry.

You can say, “I know you’re feeling worried. I have an idea that might help. When you get home, I’ll set a timer and you can think all about it, scream into your pillow, or talk it out with me until the timer goes off.”

Ashley Graber and Maria Evans are globally recognized parenting coaches, and child and family psychotherapists. Together, they run parenting groups that teach strategies and practical insights for better parenting. They’ve trained over 8,000 psychotherapists, psychologists, counselors and parent coaches to support children with anxiety. Ashley and Maria are also the co-authors of the new book “Raising Calm Kids in a World of Worry: Tools to Ease Anxiety and Overwhelm.”

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Excerpted from “RAISING CALM KIDS IN A WORLD OF WORRY” by Ashley Graber & Maria Evans. Published by Penguin Life, an imprint of the Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC on February 11, 2025. Copyright © 2025 by Cozy Horse Limited.