Chances are, ’cause I wear a silly grin …
I’m trying to change my tune, to shed this old and grumpy act. But that would mean joining the con job legion, targeting the lowest common denominator as the only one sports now target.
Friday, preparing for the NFL’s first exclusive extra-pay-streaming telecast, Pats-Jets — another dreadful game in a season flooded by them — the internet delivered the news that LB C.J. Mosley is the Jets’ nominee for the Rooney Award, annually given to a player who best exhibits on-field sportsmanship.
Having not recalled Mosley performing any standout acts of in-game sportsmanship, I was fascinated by the Jets’ choice. Briefly.
Moments later Mosley was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct as the accelerant in a hassle that became another in-game NFL fight we’ve grown to anticipate followed by Roger Goodell’s pandering silence as per the incivility the NFL and its TV partners indulge, invite and sell.
But who wants to win the Rooney Award for good sportsmanship when it can wreck your chances for commercial endorsements and regular TV gigs?
My silly grin further straightened the next day when ESPN and ABC determined to scroll, over and over, that the Rangers’ 7-4 win over the Bruins established a record: the first time the Bruins had “allowed 12 goals in back-to-back games since 2021.”
This historical keepsake might not have had the same luster or been worth the same all-day-and-night attention had it been programmed to instead read, “That didn’t happen last season.” But as long as ESPN’s content geniuses remain too stupid to know that we know better, we wear a silly grin.
Soon, with 43 seconds left in Alabama-Auburn, an ESPN graphic appeared: Auburn, up 24-20, had a “99.9% Win Probability.” Well, the winner was 00.1.
CBS’s mostly pointless NFL pregame, Sunday, included a point, with Cincy’s Joe Burrow another QB lost for the elongated season with an injury, first-class phony Boomer Esiason, keeping it clean in deference to his weekend role, pointed to Cincy RB Joe Mixon as the go-to guy, the one to stay focused on.
Mixon carried eight times for 16 yards.
Ohio St.-Michigan, Saturday, was as we’ve been conditioned to expect from Fox. The pregame starred six bundled-up panelists, including disgraced ex-OSU coach and current Fox analyst Urban Meyer, seated outdoors and trying — but failing — to be heard above 100,000 spectators, many on the verge of hysteria. But Fox’s live, on-site audio failings rarely seem to anticipate crowd noise.
The Fox fellow who should not have been heard, play-by-play man Gus Johnson, best suited to hawking cure-all elixirs in 3 a.m. infomercials, was heard too well too often.
Apparently stuck for a new transparent gimmick aside from shouting over action he can’t understand or otherwise describe, he is now given to finishing his statements with a loud, obnoxious, check-me-out growl — the kind that impress TV executives, soft-headed commercial endorsement execs and Cub Scouts.
Adam Silver’s NBA’s see-through TV revenue In-Season Tournament not only puts the con in conspicuous, it continues to generate less attention than Rob Manfred’s 2023 World Series TV scavenger hunt.
As reader Carl Orent wrote, the basketball floors have been so overly and mindlessly decorated (to attract whom?) that the ball disappears.
And the proliferation of 3-point heaves as an artificial substitute for both basketball and intelligence has worsened as the Nets, in one game, launched 53 3s among their total of 83 field-goal attempts — 64 percent 3s!
See for yourself how rebounds are followed by players jogging deep into the corners in anticipation of a pass that once, when two-way, all-in basketball was played, would have been deemed ridiculous.
But ridiculous-by-design and malodorous by extension have become de rigueur. Tuesday, the Celts committed an intentional foul up by 32, late, in order to serve the tournament’s point-differential tiebreaker. Thus the tournament is the NBA’s way of inflating “the Over” — not to mention starting fights and rewarding the kicking of opponents well after they’re down!
Disney/ESPN last week launched its own sports betting operation.
Another gambling business predicated on consumers losing their money. That’s Mickey Mouse, over there, in the shades and pinstripe suit. He’s a floor walker. Minnie’s hustling tips in exchange for running booze, her fishnet stockings good for one more night. Goofy’s parking cars.
And while I guess this qualifies for a silly grin, the Garden last week announced “Last Call” for “No Fees On Select Knick Games.” Pre-con translation: no dubious tack-on charges. Imagine, if you can survive his facial recognition gizmos, Jimmy Dolan, for “select games” was only going to charge the face value of tickets.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Migliore in broadcasting winner’s circle
It’s worth repeating: if standout ex-jockey Rich Migliore had played pro QB, third base or point guard, he’d be among the most cherished sports analysts in broadcasting history.
As a regular on NYRA thoroughbred racing TV, the 59-year-old from Babylon continues to hold even the mildly interested with interesting touts, assessments and stories by blending chart with heart.
Saturday, before the first from Aqueduct, he watched a finicky filly headed for the gate when he volunteered that he was rarely eager to ride a horse that wasn’t in the mood as it may take him for the ride. He said he wanted to be the driver, not the passenger.
Just like that Migliore spontaneously turned nothing into something worth hearing and applying down the road. But he almost always does.
Reader Don Scarpelli notes that last Saturday night’s Florida St.-Florida was another rivalry game determined by rotten behavior. Two FSU scores in its 24-15 win were aided by unsportsmanlike conduct against UF — one for targeting, the other for spitting (!) at an opponent.
Not that those episodes went widely reported, or that these schools don’t annually produce the criminally inclined. But if there’s even a shot that sports can be rescued from the abyss, a silent, pandering media wasted another opportunity.
If, five years ago, I wrote that football broadcasters will soon substitute “ran” — as in “he ran for a first down” — with “he used his legs to move the chains,” you’d think I was delusional, right? But here we are.
Celebrating selfless act by Devils’ Holtz
In a world that rewards Deion Sanders, Alex Rodriguez, Lil Wayne and Megan Rapinoe, what do we do about Alexander Holtz?
Holtz is a Swedish forward on the Devils who took a swing — and barely missed — at the winning goal scored by teammate Curtis Lazar with 21 seconds left against the Islanders, Tuesday.
As the puck slid in, it at first seemed unclear who scored, Holtz or Lazar.
Holtz quickly answered that, almost immediately pointing to Lazar then directly skating to him to give him a hug.
This once would have seemed like no big deal, a given. But if you spend a weekend watching what football has become, such acts seem to be nearing extinction.
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