Many people think that if they’re determined enough — if they push themselves really hard — they’ll be able to create better habits.
Those people are missing an important piece to the puzzle of self-control, according to James Clear, author of The New York Times bestselling book “Atomic Habits.” Even if you’re disciplined, you likely need to put yourself in environments that allow you to stay that way, free of distractions or opportunities to be tempted out of your habits-in-progress, Clear told “The Mel Robbins Podcast” in a Jan. 8 episode.
“When you look at people who exhibit high levels of self-control, the common pattern across them is not that they have higher discipline than the average person,” he said. “The common pattern is that they are in situations where they’re tempted less frequently.”
If you’re avoiding alcohol while doing Dry January for the first time, for example, you may not want to go to happy hour with your friends, where external pressures or fear of missing out could sway you. The goal is to stay away from temptation, not resist it.
“You don’t need to try to be more disciplined. You don’t need to wish that you were a person with more willpower,” said Clear. “You need to take a little bit of time to design an environment where you’re not tempted as frequently … That could mean simple things like not having chips in the house or not having cigarettes in the house or things like that.”
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Your environment can include the people you surround yourself with: Keeping company with likeminded individuals can help you stay focused, some studies show. If you and your friends are regularly in situations that keep you from building your desired habit, you might want to speak transparently with them about your goals or find other ways to spend time with them, Clear recommended.
“And that’s not necessarily saying I never see these people again, but maybe I only see them in pockets or in certain situations,” Clear said. “And then other people I’m trying to expose myself to more and hang out with more.”
You may be inclined to tell yourself that, if you mess up during your pursuit for better habits, you should just quit trying altogether. Instead, flip your self-talk to be more optimistic, Clear advised. Tell yourself that your efforts today will pay off down the line, for example, or that you can stay the course even if you slip up.
A positive attitude can also help you better manage the stress that comes with lifestyle and habit changes, according to a 2023 report from the Mayo Clinic. “A bad attitude and self-pity makes every problem harder,” said Clear. “And so you’re just layering on another challenge to the already challenging situation. It just does not serve you.”
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