I asked couples who’ve been married 40+ years for relationship advice

My wife and I recently celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. In honor of the occasion, I asked couples who had been married 40, 50, or even 60 years a simple question: What relationship advice would you give to your younger selves? 

The participants ranged from a mid-60s couple who had just celebrated their 40th anniversary to a 99-year-old who had just celebrated 66 years of happiness with his bride. The advice captured more than 500 years of earned wisdom from these beautiful relationships. 

Here are 25 pieces of relationship advice that everyone needs to hear: 

1. Tell your partner you love them every night before falling asleep. Someday you’ll find the other side of the bed empty and wish you could. 
2. Never keep score in love. Scoreboards are for sports games, not marriages. 
3. Laugh until you cry. Laughing together goes a long way to smooth the inevitable bumps in the road. 
4. Maintain interests and passions separate from your partner’s. Marriage should not be the end of individuality. 
5. It can’t always be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 90/10; sometimes it will be 10/90. All that matters is that it adds up to 100.
6. One man said, “Never stop dating. I’m 99 and still courting my wife!” Marriages don’t get boring; you stop trying. 
7. Keep doing the little things. A note under the pillow, a surprise bouquet, a peck on the cheek. Romance never goes out of style. 
8. Don’t fear sadness, as it tends to sit right next to love.
9. No one has ever argued their way to a happy marriage. When facing a challenge, face it together. 
10. Your spouse should always take priority over your birth family. Remember that when the two feel in conflict. 
11. Is it more important to be right or to be married? Stubborn pride is the downfall of relationships. 
12. Never raise your voice with your partner. 
13. Be quick to say, “I’m sorry.”
14. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If there’s something bothering you, ask whether it will matter in one month. If not, let it go right now. 
15. Do one act of service for your partner every day, but never tell them about it. 
16. You cannot take care of your partner if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Make a list of your daily needs to feel good and have your partner do the same. Make sure you and your partner are able to do the things on that list. 
17. Never involve non-professional third parties (parents, friends, siblings, coworkers) in disagreements. You’ll forget about it, but they won’t. 
18. Time doesn’t heal when it comes to relationships. Don’t delay difficult conversations. 
19. If your relationship has a minor issue, repair it. Minor issues become major issues over time. 
20. Every relationship is a work in progress. The mutual desire for improvement is what builds a lifelong bond.
21. Complementarity is just as important as compatibility. Allow each other the space to lead within different domains in your relationship. 
22. Start every day with a hug or a kiss. It’s a simple reminder of your love that goes a long way. 
23. Love is a muscle. Know that your love will be tested, but that each test has the potential to leave it stronger. 
24. It doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be wonderful. There has never been a perfect relationship, but there have been many wonderful ones. 
25. Your love is yours. Forget the approval of others. You won’t be able to make everyone happy. Accept that and embrace each other. 

In a separate but related series of conversations, I asked a 94-year-old woman what advice she would give to her younger self. 

She delivered this beautiful insight I’ll close with: “When in doubt, love. The world can always use more love.”

Sahil Bloom is an entrepreneur, investor, and inspirational writer and content creator who writes the biweekly newsletter, The Curiosity Chronicle. He is the author of “The 5 Types of Wealth: A Transformative Guide to Design Your Dream Life.” Follow him on Instagram, X, LinkedIn, and YouTube.

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