I’ve studied over 200 kids—the ‘highly spoiled’ ones do these 5 things, and what parents can do about it

When we picture spoiled kids, many of us think of tantrums over not getting what they want, being told to follow rules or simply facing any sort of inconvenience.

But spoiled behavior isn’t just about entitlement or parents giving in — it’s about unmet emotional needs, inconsistent boundaries and a lack of connection. 

As a conscious parenting researcher and coach, I’ve studied over 200 kids, and I’ve found that spoiled behavior can sometimes indicate unmet needs. Here are the five signs of highly spoiled children — and how parents can try to undo this behavior:

A child may push back against rules not because they’re difficult, but because unclear boundaries feel confusing and frustrating. If rules feel unpredictable — or if a child feels powerless in decisions that affect them — they may act out to regain a sense of control.

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Tip for parents: Instead of just saying “no” and moving on, acknowledge their feelings: “I see that you’re upset because you want to keep playing, but it’s time for bed now.” Boundaries set with kindness teach that rules aren’t about control — they’re about trust and safety.

When kids demand constant attention, it often signals emotional disconnection or uncertainty about their place in the family. A child who doesn’t feel secure in their bond may ask for more: more time, more validation, more reassurance.

For example, a child who always interrupts or clings to a parent in social settings isn’t necessarily being needy, but is rather unsure of their significance when the focus isn’t on them.

Tip for parents: Set aside 10 to 20 minutes of undistracted connection each day. The more time, the better. Play, talk or just be present with your child. Use these moments tell them, “You are enough.” 

When kids feel emotionally secure, their need for constant validation fades.

Tantrums aren’t manipulation — they’re a cry for help. Children in meltdown mode are typically overwhelmed and lack the skills to process big emotions.

Often, it happens because a child feels unheard when their emotions are dismissed, powerless when they have no say, or overstimulated by too much noise, activity or change. 

Tip for parents: Stay calm, validate their feelings (“I see you’re really frustrated”) and offer comfort (“I’m here with you until you feel better”). Kids learn emotional regulation through connection, not control.

A child who refuses to clean up, avoids homework or gives up easily isn’t being difficult or lazy. Instead, they may have been shielded from challenges too often or, on the other hand, pushed into independence before they felt ready.

Tip for parents: Offer age-appropriate, collaborative responsibilities. Cook together or solve small problems as a team. Remember to celebrate their efforts, not just the results. When kids feel capable and supported, responsibility comes naturally.

When a child acts ungrateful for frustrated for not getting what they want, it’s often not entitlement. It can mean that they feel unheard, disconnected or powerless.

And when kids receive constant toys, treats or rewards in place of emotional connection, it dulls their ability to appreciate what truly matters.

Tip for parents: Gratitude grows from connection. Engage your child in meaningful moments, such as helping to cook a meal, making a card or sharing small joys as a family. When kids feel that they belong, contribute and are valued, appreciation follows.

I always remind parents to avoid over-rewarding their kids. For example, if they help to clean up the house, instead of giving them money or a sweet treat, you could say: “Thank you for helping out. It means a lot to me, and I had fun doing it together.”

The goal is to make those moments meaningful, rather than something they do for a prize.

What we call spoiled behavior isn’t about material excess — it’s about emotional needs. True connection isn’t just about spending time together; it’s about making your child feel seen, valued and deeply loved.

When parents shift from controlling behavior to nurturing connection, frustrating moments become powerful opportunities to build trust, security and lifelong emotional resilience.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting, a certified coach and the creator of BOUND — the groundbreaking parent-child connection journal designed to nurture emotional intelligence, self-worth and lifelong trust. She is widely recognized for her work in children’s emotional safety and strengthening the parent-child bond. Follow her on Instagram.

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