I’ve worked with over 1,000 kids—if you want yours to trust you, do this

Parents want their kids to trust them. They want to be the first person their child turns to with the big stuff, the hard stuff, and the exciting stuff. They want their kids to feel safe enough to ask questions and share emotions.

But none of that happens automatically, and trust doesn’t come from simply saying, “You can talk to me.”

Instead, you go first. Be open and honest. Show them how to navigate uncomfortable emotions and difficult situations. Model it.

This sounds simple, but parents don’t always know how to put it into practice. Here are six things you can do every day to build trust with your child:

As a dual-certified child life specialist and therapist, I support families through some of the most difficult conversations imaginable — including illness, hospitalization, trauma, and loss. I’ve learned that these moments are easier when kids are exposed to open communication every day, not just when life gets hard.

When kids see adults naming and sharing their own feelings, they learn it’s okay to do the same. It gives them quiet, unwritten permission to open up, too.

This might sound like: “I’m feeling a little worried that we’re going to be late for school and work. Let’s work together.”

It’s about modeling. When we name emotions out loud — both the good and the uncomfortable — we teach our kids that feelings aren’t something to hide.

When kids watch their adults avoid certain topics, they quickly learn what’s “off limits,” and might worry about them even more.

This could look like skipping over the fact that a bug has died or dodging a question about someone who uses a wheelchair. But these are missed opportunities. When we avoid the uncomfortable or the unfamiliar, we teach kids that those conversations don’t belong in our home.

Instead, aim to create a space where all questions are welcome, curiosity is met with calm, and honesty is part of everyday life. 

Try using these phrases to navigate difficult talks with your child. 

For many parents, emotional openness doesn’t come naturally. Maybe you didn’t grow up in a home where people showed or shared their feelings freely. That’s okay.

You can still give your child something different. You can even start by sharing what’s hard about opening up: “I didn’t grow up talking about my feelings, but I want to do that with you — because I know it’s important and helpful.”

That level of honesty builds connection. It shows your child that emotional openness isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being present and willing.

We’ve all asked, “How was your day?” and gotten a shrug or a one-word answer.

Try flipping it. Instead of asking your child to open up first, share something from your own day: “Today was kind of a rollercoaster. I was excited about something in the morning, but then something didn’t go how I expected, and I felt frustrated. I took a walk and felt better by the end of the day. And now, I’m excited to see you and hear about your day.”

This models reflection and emotional awareness, and teaches kids how to do the same.

One simple but powerful way to keep communication flowing is to build it into family routines.

In my home, we do “high-low-high“ at dinner. Each person shares a highlight from their day, something that was hard, and another positive moment.

Even my youngest — just two years old — asks for it nightly. It’s become a rhythm that creates space for both joy and struggle, woven into the everyday.

When you talk about feelings, you also open the door to talk about coping skills that can help you handle them.

For example, after naming your frustration out loud, you might follow it with: “When I feel that way, I try to take deep breaths to help my body calm down.”

You can even practice a few calming breaths together before bed. It’s a simple, powerful way to show that regulating emotions is normal and doable.

Kids are always watching. They don’t just hear what you say — they notice how you say it, when you say it, and what you avoid.

If you want your child to trust you with the big stuff, show them they can trust you with the small stuff. Validate their feelings and show them that what’s on their mind matters. Model honesty. Normalize emotions. And create space for real conversations — even when they’re messy or hard.

When you go first, your child can see how it’s done and follow your lead. 

Kelsey Mora is Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who provides custom support, guidance, and resources to parents, families, and communities impacted by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and everyday life stress. She is a private practice owner, mom of two, the creator and author of The Method Workbooks, and the Chief Clinical Officer of the nonprofit organization Pickles Group.

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