There’s ‘an epidemic of demoralization,’ says happiness expert—how to fight it

“I’m overwhelmed.” 

“I’m just one person. There’s nothing I can do.”

“I want to give up.”

As a happiness researcher who’s spent a decade studying the science of well-being, I’ve received hundreds of messages like these. I see the same feeling expressed, over and over again — but never with a name attached to it.

I want to tell you its name: Demoralization. While one word can’t change everything, it can get us started.

When we can’t describe our emotions — when they feel wild, forbidden, and unmanageable — it can lead to intense experiences of shame and a desire to isolate ourselves. Labeling our feelings helps us regulate our emotional response, connect with our communities, and heal. 

Demoralization is characterized by two core experiences:

• Helplessness: “I can’t cope with what’s going on in my life.”
• Hopelessness: “There’s no point in trying, because nothing will change.”

The two are deeply connected, amplifying each other until you end up in a state of existential despair and isolation. It usually unfolds like this:

1. Something challenging happens.
2. You try to solve it, but you can’t. It exceeds your current level of coping skills.
3. You feel ashamed and slowly lose confidence.
4. You have a hard time asking for help because we live in a culture that tells people they need to handle problems alone. 
5. You feel like there’s no way you’ll ever be able to solve this problem.
6. You experience a crisis of meaning. You come to believe that there is no hope for a better future. You might as well give up.
7. You end up disconnected from others, which makes it impossible to heal.

While it has mostly been studied in people facing personal challenges, like severe or terminal illness, I believe we’re experiencing an epidemic of demoralization today due to societal challenges.

From the climate crisis to economic instability, we’re facing problems that feel big and impossible to solve. At any moment, they may strike us personally, just as they did for the thousands of people left homeless due to the Los Angeles wildfires. Or the tens of thousands of federal workers who were laid off with no warning, losing their work, purpose, and ability to provide for their families. 

The conditions were ripe for this epidemic. As I detail in my book, we live in a world that has prioritized and elevated capitalist, individualistic values, severing us from our relationships and encouraging selfishness as a pathway to personal happiness.

Demoralization causes us to retreat, further and further away from what we need most: each other. Instead, we need to: 

1. Connect with people and lean on them 

The demoralization spiral can be halted if someone shows up to help you cope. This can be a therapist, colleague, friend, or family member — anyone who says, “This looks hard. Can I help you figure out how to deal with it?”

You need other people to bounce ideas off of, to sit with you when you’re confused, to encourage you and cheer you on, and to pick you up when you fall down.

People often tell me they don’t have a community. I completely understand; this is a natural consequence of Old Happy culture — which teaches us that we’re not good enough, that we must compete, that we should always succeed and achieve (in socially acceptable ways), and that we can’t rely on anyone but ourselves. 

You can start simply by gathering a few friends or coworkers together with the intention of showing up for each other.

2. Take action and offer help

Demoralization is self-perpetuating: You feel helpless, so you don’t act, which makes you feel helpless, which makes it harder to act.

When you feel helpless, it’s a sign to help more. This is what breaks the cycle and shows you that you really do have the tremendous power to change someone’s day for the better. 

Start small: Make someone smile, give them a compliment, or send them a funny video. Any act of help can impact another person, and witnessing that ends up helping you.

Then take it to the next level. Think about an issue you care about, like:

• Poverty
• Mental health
• LGBTQ+ rights
• Democracy
• Racism
• Worker exploitation
• Education
• Healthcare

Type into a search engine:

This should direct you to organizations that have done the hard work of defining a mission, setting up a structure, building relationships, and accessing resources. They need hands — your hands.

Send them this email:

Then show up.

Remoralizing ourselves is a skill we learn by showing up when it’s difficult, celebrating ourselves when we do, and building the systems that support hope. Under the right conditions, dealing with challenges leads to confidence, growth, and meaning.

A society full of demoralized people cannot make a happier world. But a world of people who are committed to remoralizing each other, each and every day, are already making one.

Stephanie Harrison is the founder of The New Happy, an organization advancing a new philosophy of happiness. She is an expert in happiness, speaker, designer, and author of the book “New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That’s Got It Wrong.” Follow her on Instagram, TikTok and LinkedIn.

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